Warning: This Will Be a Long Read

I've been going back and forth for weeks on whether or not to post this and, after making probably hundreds of edits, finally got the courage to just go for it. It’s not too often that I feel the tendril-like fingers of prejudice wrapping around me, but it does happen. And it hurts. Whether for reasons of race, sex, religion, sexual orientation, or other characteristics of a person, treating someone as an outsider only hurts everyone involved. This post is meant to be a lighthearted example to get people to consider what prejudice really is and how it can creep into our lives without our awareness. We are not immune from feeling prejudice against us, and we are not immune from dishing it out. But we can change that if we train ourselves to see and hear the little things that bring people down, and instead build one another up, brick by brick.

Solving Sobriety

I’m a 21-year-old college student living in Wisconsin. I go to bars almost every weekend. I party with my friends. I’ve danced on tables and sang karaoke at the top of my lungs. Oh yeah, and I don’t drink any alcohol.

There’s a certain stereotype that goes with a chronic non-drinker. We all know what it is: dull, party-pooper, judgmental, fearful, great at holding your hair back when you’re about to puke, etc. I’m here to shed some light on the subject by offering a few tips on how to navigate some simple interactions with us pesky sober folks.

“Wait, you haven’t been drinking?”

The first moment you realize a friend doesn’t drink is a special one. This is the crucial moment when you will either come off as awesome or annoying. If you laugh about the fact that your friend can be that crazy without being drunk and then go back to your activities, you’re in the clear. If you get all weird and start treating your friend like a completely different person, however, you’re entering dangerous waters.

“No judgment, but…”

Stop. Just leave this phrase out of your vernacular when you’re talking to a sober person. If you have to clarify that you’re not judging, whatever you say next is going to sound even more judgmental. Just speak your mind and deal with the judgment issues later.

“…Why don’t you drink?”

This usually follows the “No judgment, but” clause. It’s a perfectly acceptable question if you’re genuinely curious, but please don’t expect an elaborate story about a drinking binge gone wrong that turned me off the stuff. My reasons aren’t that interesting. Let’s turn the tables. If a sober person came up to you and asked, “Why do you drink?” you would probably think it’s an odd question at best and an offensive one at worst. You might answer, in the simplest terms, “Because I like to and I want to.” A sober person’s answer is similar: “I don’t drink because I don’t like to and I don’t want to.” That person owes you no more explanation than that.

“Is it cool if I drink?”

Nope. We all must do the exact same thing in the exact same way if we are to hang out together. Seriously? No one actually thinks like that! I’ll do me, you do you. We’re cool.

“Am I making you uncomfortable?”

You weren’t until you asked that question.

 “Are you sure you don’t want anything?”

I’m so glad you asked! All these years of not drinking could have been prevented if only someone had offered me a jager bomb a second time! Honestly, I’m a big girl. If I magically decide that I want to start drinking, I will go up to the bar and get myself a drink. No need to hold my hand.

If these examples seem rather negative, don’t worry. There is one sure-fire way to have an awesome time with Sober Sally: treat her like a person. If she weren’t having a blast, she would leave. Have fun together. Include her in your shenanigans. Convince her to do that ridiculous impression she’s so good at. She wants to fit in and let loose. Let her do that. Don’t reduce her to a stuffy wallflower and don’t turn her into a circus freak. She is your friend and will be whether either of you is drunk or sober.

I should point out that not all non-drinkers are the same. Some are more confident in their choices than others, and some aren’t as touchy about the subject as others. Many comments like the ones above are not made with bad intentions and sober people can usually see that, but it’s best to err on the side of caution. My suggestion is just to respect their choices and enjoy their company.

Here’s the thing: if you think wine is the nectar of the gods, drink it (provided you’re of legal age of course!); if you are taking sips of beer and wincing when your friends look away because it tastes so bad, stop drinking it. If your friends are cool people, they will accept your choices, whatever they are (that goes beyond the realm of drinking and not drinking, by the way).

So I’ll raise my glass of Sprite and you raise your glass of cranberry and vodka, and we’ll toast to doing whatever makes us happy. Cheers!