It's been about a year and a half since I last posted on this blog. I put it to bed after college ended and have been happily living my life, blog free, until today. Today, two days after this historic election, I need to write again.
I am a white woman and I am speaking to my fellow white Americans:
I would like each and every one of you to look at yourself in the mirror tonight and say "I am racist."
Just see how it feels. Does it make you feel dirty? Does it make you laugh? Can you even do it?
We need to do it. We need to admit that we are not perfect and that sometimes, even if we have the best intentions, we fail to love those who are different from us. Only then can we begin a process of healing. Only then can we start to truly love our neighbors.
It doesn't feel good to be called racist. Most of us try to be good people and would never intentionally hurt someone. We think if we are racist then that means we are the lowest of the low. We think, "I'm not a bad person, so I can't be a racist."
I wish it were that simple, but we live in a country where our ancestors systematically murdered the ancestors of Native Americans and kept the ancestors of African Americans as slaves. We live in a country that almost tore itself apart over whether or not those slaves had rights as human beings. We live in a country that put Japanese Americans in prison camps during WWII. That's not something you get over quickly. These racial conflicts had a ripple effect that still touches us today, not just in our policies as a society, but on a personal level as well.
We know it's wrong to judge someone by the color of their skin. We're taught that from the time we're very small. But the people teaching us that "racism is wrong" are often the same people who, usually unintentionally, plant racist thoughts in our heads, in such minuscule ways and over such an extended period of time that we can't even hardly detect them.
But they're there. There are psychological tests (like the Implicit Association Test) that show that different types of people tend to be automatically perceived differently. It's not about intention. It's not about good vs. evil. It's a product of the environment we've grown up in as Americans.
I've taken the Black-White IAT. I've seen my results and there is a difference in the way I perceive black and white faces. I hate it. It feels like there's a monster living inside of me, and I just want it to get out of my head.
The good news is that when we recognize these cognitive biases within ourselves, we can begin to combat them. We can start to pick up on those moments when we feel uncomfortable around someone different from ourselves (whether it's a difference of race, gender, sexual orientation, etc.). We can look at those moments with a critical eye and start to peel back the layers of fear and misinformation. We can fight that monster, but only if we recognize that it's there.
It's an uncertain time for our country. There's a lot of anger and fear and blame being thrown around. As white Americans, we can no longer pretend that race issues aren't our problem. We have a responsibility to our nation and to our fellow man to prune away the thoughts and actions that make us ugly. It's not an easy road, but I hope that we will have the humility to shed light on the demons within ourselves, and the courage to fight those demons, one blow at a time.
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